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A few paraprosdokians to start summer

I'm supposed to respect my elders . . . but now it's getting harder for me to find one.

Yes, I’m in a fun mood. For the 40 years we boated on the Great Lakes, every Memorial Holiday weekend was our start to summer with our first weekend cruise. It was exciting then and there’s still something exciting about it even though we now boat year-round in Florida.

So, to celebrate my summer boating anticipation, and for absolutely no other logical reason whatsoever, I’m sharing some favorite paraprosdokians today. What’s a paraprosdokian, you ask? It’s a wordplay device in which the final part of a phrase or sentence is unexpected and frequently humorous. Enjoy.

* They begin the evening news with “good evening,” then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

* The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits (Albert Einstein)

* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

* He taught me housekeeping . . . when I divorce, I keep the house. (Zsa Zsa Gabore)

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough. (Mario Andretti)

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

* You're never too old to learn something stupid.

* You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing . . . after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

Here’s to a very successful summer in our dealerships nationwide.

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