It’s Illegal to Fish for Whales in Nebraska

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I’ve read about people doing strange things while Covid sequestering. I must be one of them. I often find myself delving into strange marine subjects and a whale of a lot more.

That’s how I discovered that Nebraska and Ohio have laws that make whale fishing illegal. I fished Lake Erie for some 40 years and must have used the wrong lure because I never hooked a whale!

However, if I go to Tennessee, the law there states that I can legally shoot a whale. In Idaho, you cannot legally fish on a camel’s back. In Illinois, it is illegal to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck. What do you expect from a state that also makes it illegal to eat in a restaurant while it’s on fire?

Speaking of really dumb laws — no, I’m not referring to congressional actions — here for your funny bone are a few more that may have you, like me, scratching your head.

Since I lived in Ohio, I also know it’s the law that if one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. Meanwhile, in Maryland it is illegal to take a lion to a movie theater. In Missouri it’s against the law to serve booze to elephants, and in Montana it’s a no-no to leave your sheep in the cab of your pick up without a “chaperone.” (I’m cruising now.)

Going back to Tennessee, a law there prevents you from shooting any game, other than the whale, from a moving vehicle. In New Jersey, it is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder. (Make him a deal he can’t refuse.) In New York law, the penalty for jumping off a building is death (who knew?), and similarly, in South Carolina it’s a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.

In New Mexico law, idiots are not permitted to vote. (I see nothing in the law that stops them from running for office.)

And you gotta love Alaska, where it’s illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. You also cannot get a moose drunk. And you cannot legally wake a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photo. Meanwhile in nearby Washington, it’s a felony to harass Bigfoot or Sasquatch (no kidding).

Had enough? What the heck, here are a few more head-scratchers. The Florida state constitution provides for freedom of speech and a trial by jury, but it’s illegal to confine a pregnant pig in a cage. Heck, the Sunshine State also prohibits men from being seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown (even a Versace.)

In North Carolina, you cannot legally use an elephant to plow a cotton field, while in South Carolina you must obtain a permit before firing a missile. Massachusetts law does not allow a gorilla to ride in the back seat of any car. (I guess he gets the front seat?) And in Connecticut, you can be cited if you walk across a street on your hands. West Virginia takes it a little further, where it’s not legal to cross the street or walk your pet tiger, lion or leopard in public, even if they’re on a leash.

Wyoming says skiing down a mountain while under the influence of alcohol is prohibited, and in Vermont the law says women must have written permission from their husband to wear false teeth. In Utah, you can be arrested for firing off a nuclear weapon.

In the medical world, there are some 70,000 insurance codes that designate illnesses or injuries. For example, use code W56.22XA if you’re struck by an orca for the first time; W61.33XA will identify your first pecking by a chicken; and V90.27XA means drowning and/or submersion due to falling or jumping from burning water skis, first time.

OK, I admit that Covid restrictions are getting to me. Better head for my only refuge: the boat.

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