Charlie Sheen in the America’s Cup?


Scuttlebutt, the online sailing newsletter, "reports" today that Charlie Sheen is leading a syndicate that's challenging for the America's Cup.

Here's an excerpt of the report (keep in mind it's April 1):

CHARLIE SHEEN TO CHALLENGE FOR THE AMERICA'S CUP (April 1, 2011) - Charlie Sheen has announced that one of the confirmed/confidential AC challenger teams is the one he will be leading through the Royal Titicaca Yacht Club. When asked about the Deed of Gift requirement that a challenger have an annual regatta on an ocean course on the sea or an arm of the sea, Lake Titicaca being 3,811 meters above sea level, his attorney, former Société Nautique De Genève counsel Barry Ostrager, responded that for Mr. Sheen that is "not high at all."

Ostrager continued that Mr. Sheen indeed has an annual regatta cruise in the arms of Amber Buttafuoco, a mermaid porn star. Mr. Ostrager went on to say that in Amber's arms was good enough under the Deed. He suggested that "if you don't believe me, try it." Mr. Ostrager further reported that Mr. Sheen found himself in Amber's arms "because he loves his country so much that Amber and the Cup happened in his life."

Hamish Ross, ACM legal counsel, is on his way to Lake Titicaca with the latest ultra-sensitive NASA equipment to check tides and salinity. He soon will have to determine whether rejecting Mr. Sheen's challenge would violate laws barring discrimination against mermaids under the civil rights laws, the Marine Mammal Protection Act, the Fish and Wildlife Act, the Endangered Species Act, or all of the above.

Mr. Sheen initially had the enthusiastic support of Ernesto Bertarelli and Fred Meyer to challenge through the Société Nautique De Genève, a former trustee. Mr. Meyer even offered to chair the race committee "just to make sure everything is perfectly fair and by the book, as always when SNG is involved."

New Zealand's Graham McKenzie offered to serve as chief judge "in order to bring the highest level of ISAF judging to the event."

On behalf of ISAF, David Kellett offered to look the other way.

However, when asked to return as IPRO with Mr. Meyer's team, Harold Bennett exclaimed "Crikey!" and was seen running away at top speed. Lucien Masmejan, Mr. Bertarelli's personal attorney, declined to comment on reports that SNG's participation was scotched when Mr. Bertarelli's wife, Kirsty, informed him that Amber better not be seen so much as buying a cuckoo clock anywhere near Switzerland.

Click here for the full report (scroll down to Part 61).


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