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Chickens, cows and standing naked

Gotta love Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa. He’s drawing the attention of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals away from fish and onto cows.

It’s about time PETA got off angler’s backs. You’ll recall PETA is the organization that wants all fish to be renamed “sea kittens” because, they contend, the nation’s anglers would never want to hook a little kitten. Presumably, itwould put an end to fishing which, of course, PETA labels as cruel and inhumane.

In this case, it seems Grassley didn’t like the Department of Agriculture promoting a program dubbed “Meatless Mondays.” After all, Grassley is from a big agribusiness state. So it shouldn’t have surprised anyone when the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association took issue with the USDA’s “Meatless Mondays,” Grassley swung into action to “convince” USDA to yank the program.

That riled up the loons at PETA who have hit back with a “Meat-Free Mondays thru Sundays” campaign. I wonder how that’s working out? But that’s not all. Here’s the topper: In addition, PETA is encouraging its members to also place bets on when Grassley will die of heart disease or “some other meat-related disease.” According to PETA president Ingrid E. Newkirk, “it seems like a pretty safe bet that he’s already got high blood pressure.”

Cows aren’t alone this time, either. Chickens have also replaced fish on the front burner (pun intended) at PETA. Check this out: Naked members recently confronted lunchtime crowds at a Chick-fil-A in downtown Columbia, Mo. They were protesting Chick-fil-A’s “egregious abuse of millions of chickens killed for its menu.” After all, the PETA members contend, “Chickens are inquisitive animals with complex social structures. Their cognitive abilities are in some cases more advanced than those of cats, dogs, and even some primates.”

The protesters in the buff wore nothing but paint markings that mimic a butcher’s diagram of body parts and carried posters reading: “All animals have the same parts. Don’t eat chickens or cows. Go vegan.” According to PETA campaigner Matt Bruce, “Animals aren’t breasts or thighs or flanks.” Really? But I love breasts and thighs and, yes, especially flanks.

Well, what do you expect from an organization that recently offered the Hillsborough County (Fla.) Commissioners a $3 million donation to repair a fishing pier named Freedom Trail. The only requirement, insisted PETA, is the repaired pier must be renamed Sea Kitten Pier and, oh by the way, fishing must be prohibited. The commissioners took a pass.

OK, I admit it. Whenever I hear the name PETA, it gives me pause to chuckle. And if they want to focus on cows or chickens or primates, well, I’m grateful for the laughs.

Moreover, I just don’t think their “sea kittens” idea is going to get traction. For lunch, I think I’ll have my sea kitten deep-fried. How about you?

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